


run, even though you can't (by El Critchley)

by lemon_writes



Category: N/A - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, LGBTQ Themes, Monologue, Original work - Freeform, Performing Arts, Trans, idk what im doing, sort of a vent thing, sort of like a monolouge??, tw: transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:47:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24652570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_writes/pseuds/lemon_writes
Summary: i wrote this monolouge to a) express some goddam feelings and b) try and get inspo to write something. i've been thinking about writing something like this for a while and i really want to make a play where i include this monolouge.most of these events haven't happend to me, its just a for dramatic effect btwenjoy:)(for context, im from the uk where we have to wear uniforms for high school and if i end up putting this in a play, it'll be set in the uk bc i have the most knowledge about the shitty education system here)
Kudos: 1





	run, even though you can't (by El Critchley)

Society's standards for non-binary people passing are so high. Why though? Why is it that if we don't have a buzz cut or dress super androgynously, we are labeled as "transtrenders"? Yeah, I have hair down to my neck. No, that doesn't mean you can use she/her because you think I look like a lesbian. Cis guys can have long hair and be praised for it but as soon as a trans guy has long hair he's a girl? I smell bullshit. I'm so fucking tired of it. My pronouns are he/they, I don't care if you think that I "don't look androgynous enough" to use them, Luke. My pronouns aren't preferred at this point, they're fucking mandatory. 

I was misgendered all the time in high school purely because I wore a skirt. I felt that I looked better in a skirt than pants. I'm chubby, skirts hide my chub. Simple. But I was constantly hit with the T slur and sometimes the F slur and I was always scared to go to school. Always scared to be hit with constant abuse. Always scared of being physically hit too. Being hurt for being who you are shouldn't happen, right? Well tell that to my school, who swept it under the rug with the shitty excuse of "bOyS wIlL bE bOyS!!!1"  
So when I heard someone in my maths class call me a tr**ny and threaten to set my house on fire, I ran.

I ran as fast as I could, as far as I could. Away from them, away from everything.  
That's all I could think about, running.  
My brain was screaming " Run, even though you can't"  
So I kept running until I couldn't breathe. Until I curled over into a ball, my ribs, and chest on fire. Then i became aware of thing causing my pain.  
My binder. My desire to be accepted. Part of the reason I was running in the first place.

Except that all happened in my head. Physically, I sat there in shock, not able to move.  
The teacher carried on with the lesson, highly aware that he'd said it. 

Because of that, I am still so fucking scared to be myself.

**Author's Note:**

> this was absolutely not beta'd whatsoever haha 
> 
> anyways if you like my writing follow me on tumblr @elwritessometimes (i follow cool peeps back from @cosmicwonderbitch)


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